Story Notes:

            Type: angst, drama

            Rating: PG-13

            Warnings: torture, language

            Spoilers: Season Eight except Janet is still around.

            Length: about 9300 words

            A/N: companion piece to Take Me Out of the Ba’al Game and contains some dialogue from that story

 

 

Ba’al Out of Bounds

My Dad, Ba’al #2

 

The Jaffa say I was the first human ever born on an al’kesh.  Technically, however, I wasn’t born.  I didn’t have a mother, and my DNA was stolen, not gifted through an act of love.  And technically, I’m not a human.  So, for accuracy’s sake:  I am a clone, created for a grand and noble cause.

 

My caretaker was a grizzled old Jaffa named Pen’c.  He taught me that the strong survive.  To be weak is to be dead.  Humans were the weakest of all, little more than cannon fodder.  I was ashamed to have human DNA and wished to be one of the great Jaffa warriors whose service to the gods had immortalized them.

 

Pen’c also taught me to center my mind in kel’no’reem.  He tried to teach me to balance my body in order to fight, but that was more difficult because my body was constantly changing.  Every day I was a little older.  For each week that passed on the al’kesh, I grew one year.  Pen’c said it was a miracle granted unto me by Lord Ba’al, who was a god of awesome power.

 

I didn’t know him as a god or as my lord or even as Ba’al.  He was my dad.  My first memory is the golden glow of his eyes as he stood over my bed.  His words are the first ones I remember hearing.  In his deep voice that sounded like two voices at once, he said, “You, Danny, will bring order to chaos and restore peace to this galaxy.”  I was his special boy.  Being with my dad was the best part of every day.

 

If Dad told me lies, then they were cleverly mixed within the truths.  He admitted that he wasn’t a god, only another life form who understood sciences better than the less-evolved Jaffa.  He told me about the Goa’uld and how their inability to choose one leader had fractured them.  Then he taught me that Earth humans were the same way.  They had divided their planet into many countries, and because of their disorganized leadership, the Tau’ri were stumbling through the galaxy, leaving chaos in their wake.

 

My dad spoke often of his master Plan.  He wanted to help Earth.  Once Earth was unified under his rule, he could work outward, gradually showing other planets the need for unity and peace and order.  I was the key to that Plan.

 

He explained that he had used nanocytes to accelerate my growth until I was ten years old.  At ten, when my brain was the most receptive to the memory device, he stopped my growth while he collected the new memories that would change my life.  The memories were stolen from the same man whose DNA made up my own.  Daniel Jackson.

 

I was jealous of the man, especially after he was captured and brought aboard our al’kesh.  Suddenly, Dad had no time for me.

 

After two days of being ignored, I hid in a small room that adjoined the chamber where Dad and Daniel Jackson were having their “talks.”  Pen’c found me there, and together we observed the proceedings.  Pen’c told me that a gravity field was responsible for pinning Daniel to the metal latticework behind him, which explained to me why the man’s feet weren’t touching the ground and holding him upright.

 

Fascinated, I watched as Dad picked up a knife.  It wavered sideways in the air, held in place by Dad’s fingertips.  When Dad released it, the gravity sucked it toward Daniel.  It imbedded into his upper chest with a thunk, and Daniel screamed.  It was a raspy sound, forced out of swollen lips.  Around the knife’s point of entry, blood soaked the material of Daniel’s shirt.  There were similar patches of blood on several parts of his uniform.

 

Dad tsked and shook his head.  “If you would allow the memory device to work, Doctor Jackson, our time together could be so much more pleasant.  Surely, as a scientist, you can understand that resistance only results in pain.”

 

Daniel didn’t reply, but he glared.  I had never seen such hatred directed toward my dad.  It unnerved me, and I wanted to reach for the comfort of Pen’c’s hand.  Since that weakness would have disgraced my Jaffa teacher, though, I carefully kept my hands at my sides.

 

Another knife, another hoarse shriek.

 

“It must hurt a lot,” I said to Pen’c.  “Even more than when you rap my knuckles for wriggling during kel’no’reem.”

 

The Jaffa on the al’kesh were careful to keep me from harm, and the knuckle-rapping was the worst pain I had ever experienced.

 

“He defies his god,” Pen’c said solemnly.  “It is a shameful thing and deserving of punishment.”

 

A knife sank into Daniel’s thigh, and more blood blossomed.  I decided humans must be really stupid, as well as weak, because Daniel kept blocking Dad’s memory device, even though it meant another knife.

 

After a while, I grew bored with the event.  Pen’c and I decided to continue my bashaak training.  Since Dad had stopped my nanocyte-accelerated growth, Pen’c had been teaching me how to fight with a wooden stave.  Not for the first time, I wished I could be a Jaffa warrior, instead of the clone of a stupid, weak human who didn’t know how lucky he was that my dad was spending so much time with him.

 

Everything changed two days later.  Dad announced the memory device had managed to copy all of the memories of Daniel’s youth up to age six.  When he pressed the device into my temples, he looked so proud.  I smiled back at him and didn’t complain about the little metal pins that felt as if they were poking all the way through my skull.  I would be brave, like a Jaffa warrior. 

 

That only lasted a short while.  The memories were thrust into my brain, a horde of unfamiliar images and sensations, people and places.  Sand, desert, sun, camel, tent, pottery, parchment, Aba, Mama.  Things I had never before seen, things I had never even imagined, were suddenly real, intimate details of my life.

 

I passed out.  When I woke, Dad had already returned to his “talks” with Daniel.  Pen’c offered me water, and I stared at it, struck by the remembrance of a playtime in the Nile River, supervised by Aba.  Aba was the Arabic word for “father.” 

 

I had another dad.

 

Intellectually, I knew he wasn’t my dad.  The two and a half months aboard the al’kesh with my dad, Ba’al, were still clear in my memory.  But as easily as I could recall the last time Ba’al had tucked me into bed, I remembered Aba doing the same.  I knew it was Daniel, not me, on that pallet in the desert tent, but a much stronger and louder part of me claimed the image too.  It was more than a memory.  I remembered the murmur of Aba’s voice and the softness of the blanket and the mingled aroma of parchment and coffee from the other side of the tent where Mama worked.  It felt as if I had experienced it all for myself.

 

The memories lived side-by-side in my head.  The boy who wanted to be a Jaffa warrior and the boy who wanted to be an archaeologist.  The boy who trailed after Mohammed, the dig’s foreman, and the boy who admired Pen’c.  The boy with two parents, whose love had conceived him, and the boy with a god for a father, whose science had created him.

 

Curiosity drew me to Daniel.  For the first time, I wanted to know the man who had been shaped by the memories we shared.

 

One of the al’kesh’s storerooms had been converted to keep Daniel in confinement when Dad was busy with other matters.  Daniel was lying inside a large cage.  I thought he was sleeping, so I sat cross-legged beside the iron bars and waited for him to wake up.

 

His face was all swollen and bruised.  Pen’c had beaten up one of the human slaves once for serving me a meal that I didn’t like, and Daniel looked worse than that.  His uniform was torn where the knives must have been removed, and I thought of Mama removing a splinter from my finger and winced as I imagined how all the knives must have hurt when they were pulled from Daniel’s body.  Besides the rips and blood splotches from the knives, there were also tiny holes with burnt edges.  I could see blistered skin beneath.  I’d have to ask Pen’c what had happened.  My nanny had once dropped a pan of boiling water on her arm, causing the same scalded look.  I shifted uneasily, understanding Daniel’s screams a little better.

 

Daniel’s wheezing breaths faltered.  His head moved, turning sluggishly in my direction.  His eyelids flickered.  Before his eyes had opened more than a slit, they closed again.  His groan was a guttural thing that reminded me of the pained grunts of King Tut, my favorite camel, when two of his legs had broken.  Aba had taken me away and explained how Mohammed would have to shoot King Tut because there was no way to heal his legs.

 

Blinking back tears, I decided I needed a distraction from the memories that surged forth at inconvenient times.

 

“Hey.  Hey, you.”  I whispered it because Daniel looked as if he had a headache and Mama had always appreciated my quiet during her headaches.  “Are you waking up yet?”

 

After much blinking and squinting, Daniel managed to focus his eyes on me.  A look of recognition crossed his face.

 

“Um, hi?  You must be Daniel,” he said in a voice that was still husky with pain.  It made me wonder what he sounded like without the pain, whether he would sound more like Aba or more like Mama.

 

I shook my head and corrected his use of my name.  “Danny.  You should know that.  I’m you, you know.”

 

I wasn’t sure how much Daniel knew about the Plan, but since he didn’t seem surprised by my announcement, Dad must have told him some of it.  We started talking and together, Daniel and I recalled my sixth birthday.  Our sixth birthday.  It was comfortable.  With Daniel, I felt an instant rapport that I had only shared with Dad and Pen’c.

 

I confided how weird it was to have two fathers, and the connection between us snapped.  Daniel forced himself up to his elbows and spat out, “Ba’al isn’t your dad!”

 

His face, already contorted with rage, grew red at the effort of supporting his upper body.  I watched him curiously, wondering how long it would take before he collapsed.  I also wondered if it were the injuries or adulthood that had damaged the precocious child I knew from my memories because Daniel didn’t seem too intelligent.

 

I tried to explain that Dad’s Plan was a good thing.  It would bring order to the galaxy and stop all the wars.  I was proud of the Plan and lucky to have a part in it.  But Daniel kept talking about how Dad was evil and didn’t love me.

 

“The only thing Ba’al loves is power,” Daniel said.  He was too weak to sound very convincing, and he finally gave in to the inevitable and dropped back to the floor.  “Don’t you see?  He’s using you.”

 

That made me mad.  I knew Dad was using me.  I wanted to be used.  I wanted to make the galaxy a safe place.  But questioning Dad’s love for me was unforgivable.

 

I scowled at Daniel.  “You’re mean.  I don’t like you anymore.”

 

Daniel’s words had planted a seed of doubt, though.  Why hadn’t Dad spent any time with me lately?  Before Daniel’s arrival, Dad set aside a small portion of each day for us.  A father-son bonding time.  He liked that I called him “Dad.”  Just the possibility of being without Dad’s love was enough to make my eyes sting with tears.

 

As if I had summoned him with my thoughts, Dad came into the room.  He placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me.  I felt a tingle of delight.  I was still his special boy.

 

“What are you doing here, son?”

 

With the word “son” resting comfortably inside my heart, the tears made no sense.  But after I had explained my reason for visiting our prisoner, my dad exchanged a look with Daniel.  As if they were privy to a secret that didn’t include me.

 

“I daresay curiosity is an inescapable trait for any Daniel Jackson,” Dad said.

 

My jealousy resurfaced.  That was my look.  That knowing glint in his eyes was the way Dad looked at me when he anticipated something I would say or do.  I liked that Dad knew me so well.  But now I began to wonder.  What if that knowing look came because I had done something Dad recognized from the man who existed before me?  What if it wasn’t me, but Daniel, whom Dad knew so well?

 

These new fears uppermost in my life, I offered hesitantly, “He said you didn’t love me.”

 

“Of course I love you,” Dad said firmly.  He ruffled my hair and this time, his smile was only for me.  “You’re going to save this galaxy for me, aren’t you?”

 

I nodded eagerly.  I would bring order to chaos and restore peace to the galaxy.  Because that was what my dad wanted, and I would do anything to prove my love for him.

 

#

 

Four more years of Daniel’s life were shoved into my brain.  Afterwards, I woke alone and terrified.  Where was Pen’c?  Where was Dad?  Panic squeezed my chest and made it hard to breathe.  Memories swirled out of control, and I felt as if I would shatter.  I hugged myself, trying to hold together all the pieces.

 

A young woman, one of the slaves, crept into my room with a pitcher of water.  She told me that Lord Ba’al was resting after his session with the prisoner, who had been fatally damaged for his refusal to cooperate with the god.  Pen’c was supervising the prisoner’s cycle within the sarcophagus.  I was to rest in my room, and they would meet me later at the evening meal to hear of my success with the memory device.  Message delivered, the woman scurried from the room before I could beg her to stay and keep me company.

 

As the “son” of the god, I was on a tier above the other occupants of the al’kesh and often left on my own.  I had never feared the solitude until Daniel’s memories showed me how all-encompassing that solitude could become.

 

Aba and Mama were dead.

 

They had been dead for two years in my new set of memories, but the horror of their departure was as fresh as if it had just happened.  I was alone.  The people who made up my world were gone forever.

 

I keened softly.  Everything hurt.  My head pounded from the effort to accept the experiences that had happened to someone else.  School bullies, foster parents, the museum.  The ache in my heart was worse.  It felt as if it had been crushed beneath the same heavy stone that had killed Mama and Aba.

 

Magnified by all the memories of isolation that Daniel had felt growing up, the loneliness was unbearable.  At that moment, I discovered a new life purpose.  I never, ever wanted to feel this way again.

 

I couldn’t stop thinking of Aba and Mama.  I tried to tell myself that I didn’t really know them.  They were Daniel’s parents, not mine, and all I had were stolen memories.  But logic didn’t work against the grief that twisted my insides into knots.  I missed them.  I would have given anything to feel Aba’s hand on my shoulder, to hear one of Mama’s lullabies, to see their delight in me.  To hug them and never let go.

 

When I couldn’t stand it any longer, I stumbled from my room in search of comfort.  I thought I was headed for Pen’c, but I ended up at the door to the storage room.  I stared at it.  Daniel was so much older now.  Would he even remember what it had been like to lose his parents?  Would he understand how it felt to be screaming inside where no one could hear me?

 

My stomach curdled at the thought of talking to anyone else and letting them see my weakness.  I shuffled into the storage room and slumped against the wall, as close to his cage as I could get.  Daniel sat on the floor facing me.  His eyes were kind, as if I hadn’t yelled at him the last time we had spoken.

 

When I mentioned Aba and Mama, I saw the crack in his expression.  He reached through the bars of the cage and offered his hand.  I grabbed it.  He knew.  He understood.  Still clutching his hand, I pulled one knee closer to my chest and dropped my forehead to it.  All the grief I’d been trying to suppress roared out of me.  I sobbed its release.

 

I thought I would cry forever.  Daniel didn’t pull his hand away, though.  When I had nothing left except hiccups, his hand was still clasped around mine.  Somehow I knew that if I had been in the cage with him, he would’ve been holding me.  Maybe that’s why I had come to Daniel.  Pen’c would have scolded me for the tears, and Ba’al would have grown impatient with them.

 

While I reluctantly released Daniel’s hand, I had the overwhelming desire to explain, to give a name to my fears.

 

“I love Ba’al.  I know you don’t…understand that.  But before you, before the memories, he was the only one.  He’s—he’s my dad.  We’re family.”

 

Daniel nodded.  Maybe he didn’t understand completely, but he was willing to listen, willing to try.

 

“I don’t want to leave him.  I can’t.”  The terror surged within me again.  I couldn’t lose Ba’al.  I had lost Mama and Aba, and it was a void that would never be filled.  The pain of it was strangling me.  “I don’t want it to hurt…” I struggled not to start crying again, “like this again.  I don’t ever want to be…  To feel so…”

 

There was no word to describe the way I felt.

 

“Alone,” Daniel said quietly.

 

From anyone else, the word would have been inadequate.  This was no ordinary solitude.  But Daniel had placed all his awareness into the word.  “Alone” had a depth of meaning that Daniel understood as well as I did.

 

“They’re my memories,” Daniel said, his tone gentle.  “They don’t have to be yours.  You can make your own memories, have your own life.”

 

For a moment, joy flooded me.  He was right.  The memories of the last ten years were false.  I had only lived three months.  If I could separate myself from Daniel, I could be a great Jaffa warrior.  I could stay with Dad forever.  Just as quickly, the hopes sputtered out because none of that was part of the Plan.

 

“But Dad…  He needs me to--”

 

Daniel’s gaze was steady.  “He needs you to be me.  He wants to turn you into Daniel.  What happens to Danny then?”

 

I hugged myself.  What happens to Danny? echoed through my mind like the tolling of a bell.  Even now, Daniel’s memories were so strong that they felt like they belonged to me.  Ten childhood years I hadn’t actually lived, but I could describe them in perfect detail.  If I gained more of Daniel’s memories, would it squeeze out my own?  Would I forget Dad and Pen’c?  When I took Daniel’s place on Earth, the way Dad wanted, would I be me or Daniel?

 

Daniel was asking me to help him escape, promising that I’d never be alone if I came with him.  He thought I should leave Dad.  I shook my head.  I couldn’t lose the one person who was truly mine.

 

“No.  I want to stay with Dad.  I’ll tell him…  I’ll tell him I don’t want your memories anymore.  If I’m not willing, it doesn’t work.  I’ll tell him to stop.  I’ll be me.”

 

“He won’t give you what you want,” Daniel warned.

 

I refused to believe that.  I was his special boy.  All I had to do was explain.  If he knew how much I wanted to stay with him, Dad would keep me.  He had to.

 

“He loves me!  I’ll tell him I want to be Danny.  I’ll tell him I want to be his son and I don’t ever, ever want to leave him.”  I started crying again.  “You’ll see.  He’s my dad.  I love him.”

 

“Danny--”

 

“No!  I’m not listening to you anymore.  All you do is tell lies about Dad because you don’t like him.”

 

I ran from the room, but even though I had left Daniel, I couldn’t stop his words from pursuing me. 

 

What happens to Danny?

 

#

 

I didn’t talk to Dad right away.  First, I needed to get my fears under control and to center my mind the way Pen’c had taught me.  Despite Dad’s methods of “persuasion,” Daniel was resisting the memory device, which left Dad fuming for hours after each session.  Dad wasn’t exactly approachable in one of those moods.

 

I couldn’t help comparing Dad and Aba.  In some ways, they were the same.  When they were angry, they would bottle up the emotion and try to act normal while the anger sparked out of their eyes and made their bodies tense.  They were also similar in the way they treated me.  They could be absent-minded and distracted, caught up in their work.  But other times, I was the center of their world.  They would both ruffle my hair and tell me that they loved me, though Aba had done it at odd moments and not only when I had earned it.

 

But it was the way they treated others that set them apart.  Aba listened to the concerns of other people.  Dad didn’t.  He expected results without debate.  I used to think it was because he was so much smarter than everyone.  But Aba was smart too, and he was willing to be wrong when someone convinced him of a mistake.  I had never heard Dad apologize.

 

Sitting in the side room, I watched Dad’s session with Daniel.  I winced whenever a knife left Dad’s fingers and plunked somewhere into Daniel’s body.  Daniel was panting and trying to squirm against the gravity field, but I recognized the determination in the glare he kept focused on Dad.  I had seen Mama like that and watched taller, stronger men slink away from her when she was in full-protect mode.  “My lioness,” Aba would call her, proudly teasing.

 

Dad was teasing Daniel too, but there was no pride in his voice, only amusement.  “Is it really necessary to continue this, Doctor Jackson?  It’s only a matter of time before the pain is too much and your mind gives me what I want.”

 

Pen’c came into the room and squatted beside me.  “Why are you here, young one?”

 

I wrapped my arms across my chest.  “I have some of his memories now.  It’s like watching a friend being hurt.  I needed to watch.”

 

“To honor his pain,” Pen’c said with a grave nod.  “I have often done the same for my brothers.”

 

“I wish Dad didn’t have to hurt him.”

 

“Sacrifice is necessary.  Every Jaffa knows this.”

 

I nodded.  I understood that.  Aba had explained how it was necessary to kill King Tut rather than condemn the camel to lameness.  But I was sure Mohammed hadn’t taunted King Tut and made him suffer first.

 

“Because of this one man’s sacrifice,” Pen’c said, “you will be in position to do a great service for your god and so save many.”

 

I didn’t want to save anyone.  I wanted to be a kid and live with my dad.

 

After Aba and Mama had died, a grief counselor had told me, “Don’t be in a hurry to grow up.”  Actually, she had told Daniel that, and Daniel hadn’t listened.  When he was an adult, he wouldn’t have to worry about foster siblings who were mean and teachers who didn’t understand how boring school was.  He wanted to grow up as fast as possible.

 

That wasn’t what I wanted at all. 

 

Daniel had been alone, with no home except the one provided by people who were too busy to notice what he needed.  But I wasn’t Daniel.  I had a home and a family.  I lived on an al’kesh full of servants who took care of me and Jaffa who protected me.  Pen’c who taught me.  And most of all, a dad who loved me.

 

I wanted to stay.  All I had to do was convince Dad.

 

“I don’t want Daniel’s memories,” I told Dad when we were alone later.  “I want to stay ten years old and grow up like everyone else does.”

 

“That isn’t in the Plan.”

 

“I know, but…”  I swallowed and whispered, “I don’t want to be part of the Plan anymore.”

 

Dad’s eyes flashed gold for a moment and then faded back to their normal color.  He smiled indulgently.  “Why not?”

 

“I don’t want to leave you.  I want to be your son.”

 

“You’ll always be my son.  Who else but my son would save the galaxy?”  He reached out to ruffle my hair, and I stepped away before he could touch me.  He sighed.  “Do you love me, Danny?”

 

I hugged myself.  “Y-yes.”

 

“If you love me, then you’ll do what I want.”

 

He looked down at a report he was studying, as if the matter were settled.  If you love me nagged at my mind like a mosquito.

 

I remembered saying those words once.  I’d misbehaved and was trying to get out of the punishment, telling Mama that if she really loved me, she wouldn’t punish me.

 

She had knelt to my eye level and said, “I love you, Danny.  No matter what you do, whether you’re a good boy or a naughty boy, I will always love you.  I will still punish you when you’re naughty, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.  Nothing you do or don’t do can make me stop loving you.  Do you know why?  Because love is a gift, not a bargain.” 

 

I looked at Dad and realized that the only times he had ever expressed his love, he was also praising me because of the Plan.  “If I don’t save the galaxy, would you still love me?” I asked quietly.

 

He refocused his attention on me.  “What?”

 

I was afraid to ask, but I had to know.  “Will you still love me?  No matter what?”

 

“Of course.  You’re going to--”

 

“No.  No, I’m not.”  Tears pricked my eyes, and one slowly slid down my cheek.  “I can’t.  I want my own life, Dad.  I want to be me.  I don’t want you to send me away to be Daniel.”

 

“You don’t always get what you want in this life, son.  Do you think I want to be the one always trying to unify the galaxy when I’d much rather be spending time with you?  But we all have our parts to play in the Plan--”

 

“I hate the Plan!  I won’t do it!  I won’t!” I screamed at him.  Inwardly, I was sobbing, Please, please love me as I am.  Please let me be more important than the Plan.  Please don’t make me leave you.

 

I barely saw the golden glow of Dad’s eyes through my tears.  Suddenly, I was flying backward.  My right eye throbbed with pain.  I landed on my butt and stared up in shock at Dad’s fist.  He had hit me.

 

“The Plan is why you were created.  It’s your destiny.”  He watched impassively as I clambered to my feet, holding a hand over my sore eye.  “There is no higher purpose than to give up your life for others, Danny.  Someday, when you save the galaxy for me, you’ll understand that.”

 

We were interrupted by a communication from the al’kesh’s bridge.  “Lord Ba’al, you wished to be informed when we assumed orbit of Amarna.”

 

“Have a squad of Jaffa meet me at the rings.  We will transport down momentarily.”  Instructions delivered, he turned his attention back to me.  “Are we done with this discussion, Danny?”

 

I nodded.  Though his voice had softened, his face had not.  I felt no more important than the Jaffa on the bridge.  A piece of business, handled and dismissed.  It wasn’t my dad gazing at me, but Lord Ba’al.  The person who loved me the most was a stranger.

 

I didn’t know what to feel.  My heart was all jumbled up.  I was frightened for the first time in my life because the man who had so casually hurt Daniel had struck me also.  I was hurt that Dad didn’t want me as much as I wanted him.  And I was angry and betrayed.  I had given my love freely, but Dad would only accept it on his own terms.

 

My anger escalated.  Ba’al didn’t even deserve to be called “Dad.”  He didn’t love me, so I’d just stop loving him too.  If I wasn’t enough for him, then I would go somewhere else.

 

So I ran away.  After I found the jacket Daniel had been wearing when he was captured, I freed Daniel from his cage.  I tried not to think of Ba’al while Daniel guided me through the process of binding his broken arm to his chest.  I held my tongue when he requested a painkiller from his jacket’s medkit.  He wasn’t a Jaffa, after all, only a weak human.  Then I helped Daniel to his feet.  All the blood drained from his face, turning it a sickly white.  He seized my shoulder with a grip that I knew would leave bruises.

 

Once he’d caught his breath and eased up on my shoulder, Daniel muttered, “Oh, Jack is going to be so not happy with me.”

 

“Who’s Jack?” I asked.

 

Daniel smiled.  “Jack is the reason I’m not alone anymore.  He’s part of my family.  Our family.”

 

Envying the contentment in his smile, I stared at him.  His words had surprised me.  As desperately as I wanted the love of a family, I hadn’t expected Daniel to offer his own.  Or to include someone else in the invitation.  It seemed unlikely that I could have what I wanted, just for helping Daniel escape, but the surety in Daniel’s voice tantalized me with hopes I hadn’t quite allowed myself to acknowledge.

 

I ruthlessly shoved the hope to the bottom of my heart and refused to consider it further.  Dad hadn’t wanted me; why would anyone else?

 

Daniel and I made a good team.  I led him through the al’kesh, avoiding the Jaffa on the way to the rings.  On the planet, I supported him during the walk to the Stargate.  He asked just the right questions to determine which planet we were orbiting so he had an origin for the Stargate’s address.

 

Before we had reached the stone object that Daniel called a DHD, I was bearing more and more of Daniel’s weight.  He had tried to explain what would happen when we arrived on Earth, but his voice gave out in mid-sentence.  Breathing was a chore; speaking was an impossibility.  With a gasped apology, he mentioned his ribs, and between the pain from those and his broken arm, I think he had forgotten the rest of his session with Ba’al.  But I could see the bloodstains where the knives had struck him.

 

The magnitude of my decision was starting to settle into my brain.  I was leaving everyone and everything I knew to trust in someone with whom I shared ten years of memories.  Anger at Ba’al’s betrayal had transformed into alarm at my own.  The bruise around my eye throbbed, reminding me of the price of defiance.  Once I stepped through the Stargate to Earth, my ties to Dad would be irrevocably broken, and I didn’t know whether to run back to my old life or to rejoice at the possibility of a new one.

 

By the time Daniel activated the Stargate and contacted his people, I was jittery with fear.  I heard the Jaffa calling to each other, alerted by the Stargate’s use, and grabbed the hem of Daniel’s T-shirt, desperate not to be caught and forced to face Ba’al again.  Daniel, slumped against the DHD, straightened as much as he could, fingers tightening over his radio.

 

“Jack, they’re coming.  I can’t hold this position much longer.”

 

His voice didn’t reveal any fear, but his eyes darted backward, in the direction of the approaching Jaffa.  He had even less desire to return to Ba’al than I did.

 

“Okay, door’s open,” the voice from the other side said.  “Come on through, Danny.”

 

For a moment, I was startled to hear my own name.  Then I remembered Daniel claiming this Jack person as family.  Did family have the right to use a nickname that Daniel said he hadn’t used in a long time?

 

I wondered how to behave toward a man who was so informal with Daniel.  It was clear from his tone that he was a person of authority, and Pen’c had taught me to respect leaders.  Whether they were gods or not, they were the lords of their domain and should be treated accordingly.  But Daniel called him family.  Did I conduct myself as one of Lord Jack’s subordinates or as one of his family?  What would Daniel want?

 

It made me nervous to realize how little I really knew about families.

 

There was no more time to second-guess my decision to leave with Daniel.  He needed my help just to climb the steps leading to the Stargate, and though he had promised Lord Jack that he would raise the hand of his unbroken arm to show he was unarmed, we both knew it wasn’t happening.  His hand clamped on my shoulder was the only thing keeping him upright.  At Daniel’s insistence, I lifted my own hands.  I didn’t tell him how odd it was that he expected guns to greet him at a place he called home, especially since Lord Jack knew he was coming.

 

I had never gone through the Stargate, though Pen’c had described the momentary icy-cold sensation of tumbling through nothingness and Ba’al had explained about wormholes.  It was disorientating to start on a warm, forested planet and arrive in a cold, gray room.  I had only a glimpse of the metal walls and the guns trained on us before Daniel collapsed against me.

 

Though Daniel had cautioned me to remain still with my hands in the air, the weight on my shoulder was more demanding.  I couldn’t stop Daniel’s descent, but I slowed it as much as I could.  Despite my efforts, his broken arm bumped against the ramp, jolting a shriek out of him.  I ended up on my knees, with most of Daniel’s upper body cushioned against my thighs and chest, his hand locked around mine.  His face was white again, and he was gasping for air in stilted breaths.  Pain had lined his forehead with deep furrows.

 

Someone yelled, “Stand down!”  I recognized the voice as Lord Jack’s, and a moment later an older man was kneeling beside us, his hand coming to rest gently on Daniel’s bound arm.  “Hang on, Danny.  Fraiser’s coming.”

 

Almost before he’d finished the words, a red-haired woman was shouldering him aside.  “Give me some room, sir.”

 

Even though he was the lord, he moved and gave the woman his place.  Ba’al would’ve had the woman whipped for her tone.  He had explained to me once that he allowed the Jaffa and the human slaves to worship him as a god because it kept them in control.  Their devotion made betrayal less likely and protected the Plan.  No one ever spoke to Ba’al as the woman had spoken to Lord Jack, demanding immediate compliance.  I wondered how Lord Jack maintained his people’s loyalty if he didn’t insist on their reverence.

 

The woman swept her gaze over Daniel, and her fingers brushed a large bloodstain above his hip.  “Daniel, you’re bleeding.”

 

I was pretty sure Daniel’s ribs were more important than wounds that had stopped bleeding some time ago.  “It’s dry,” I said.  “From before.  He was beat up.  He said some ribs were probably cracked or broken.”

 

Her sharp gaze lifted to me.  “You know what was done to him?”

 

“Most of it, I guess.”  I shifted uncomfortably, seeing Daniel’s injuries through their eyes.  What had once seemed necessary now seemed cruel and unforgivable.  I began to wonder if they would blame me.  After all, Ba’al had tortured their friend for the memories given to me.

 

“He comes too,” she said to Lord Jack, pointing at me.  Then she turned to the people who had rushed in with a gurney and medical equipment I didn’t recognize.  “Let’s get him up.”

 

Daniel wouldn’t let go of my hand, though the rest of his body had gone limp and felt heavy in my arms.  His eyes were closed, and his breathing was still wheezy but calmer.

 

Lord Jack carefully loosened Daniel’s fingers.  “Come on, Daniel.  Let the boy go.  Doc’s gonna take you to the infirmary and patch you up.”

 

Daniel rolled his head in Lord Jack’s direction and opened one eye.  “Jack?  Take care…of Danny.”

 

“Yeah, we’re taking care of you, all right.”

 

Daniel’s fingers tightened over mine again, refusing Lord Jack’s attempts to separate them.  Daniel tried to lift himself up.  “No.  Dan…ny.   Promised.  Fam--”  He broke off, coughing.

 

“I think he’s talking about me,” I said, and when Lord Jack turned a speculative look on me, I explained, “My name is Danny too.”

 

“Jack,” Daniel panted.  “Danny.  Safe.  Jack.”

 

“I’ve got it covered.  Let him go, Daniel.”

 

“Promise?”  Daniel’s fingers were clenched so tightly that mine had gone numb.  After all that Ba’al had done to him, I didn’t understand why Daniel thought my protection was more important than his own need for medical attention.

 

Lord Jack leaned closer and placed a hand against Daniel’s cheek.  “Daniel.”  He waited until Daniel had focused on him, and then continued in a soft, solemn voice, “I promise.  Danny’s safe.”

 

Daniel relaxed, his hand falling away.  The red-haired woman directed her people through the process of moving Daniel to the gurney.  I climbed unsteadily to my feet.  After supporting Daniel’s weight, my legs were as numb as my hand, and everything seemed to tingle as I flexed my muscles.  The medical people wheeled Daniel toward a doorway, and I hesitated at the end of the ramp, staring after them.  I wanted to follow, but Daniel had placed me in Lord Jack’s care.

 

“We’ll let them take the first elevator up,” Lord Jack said.

 

I nodded and forced myself to stand still and breathe slowly.  Daniel wasn’t leaving me.  I hadn’t lost him.  I wasn’t alone.  I tried to quiet my mind, the way Pen’c had taught me, but it continued to wail in terror.  Daniel was the only one I knew in this strange place.

 

Before my mind could hijack my feet and make me run after Daniel, a blond woman jogged into the room.  “General!  Is it true?  Daniel’s back?”

 

“You just missed him, Carter.  He’s on his way to the infirmary.”

 

“How is he?  How’d he look?  Where was he?”

 

I didn’t hear Lord Jack’s answer because my attention was caught by the Jaffa who had entered behind the woman.  Just the sight of his unruffled composure and dignified pace was enough to calm my jittery nerves.  However, his presence did nothing for my racing thoughts.  I knew the mark on his forehead.  Why was the First Prime of Apophis here?  Did he command these humans?  Just as quickly, I dismissed that thought.  His approach was respectful, not authoritative.  Perhaps I had misunderstood, and Lord Jack was a Goa’uld, after all.  But if Earth already had a Goa’uld who was served by the First Prime of another, why did Dad believe he was needed here?

 

As the Jaffa joined us beside the ramp, I bowed low.  “Tec’ma’te, Master Jaffa.”  I continued in Goa’uld, “May the god grant you great strength in his service.”

 

I lifted my head to see that they were all watching me strangely.

 

“I serve no gods,” the Jaffa replied, also in Goa’uld.  “Here, we are free.”

 

 I stared at him, confused by the bold statement.  The Jaffa lived to serve the Goa’uld.  Without that purpose in their lives, Ba’al had said, the less-evolved Jaffa would have died out long ago, warring with each other until there was no one left.  But the First Prime of Apophis stood before me, surrounded by humans, and declared himself free.  As if the one thing that brought his people honor had been a burden.

 

“What are you two talking about?” Lord Jack asked while the Carter woman asked, “Who is this?”

 

“This is Danny.  Apparently, he helped our Daniel escape.”  With a hand on my shoulder, Lord Jack steered me toward the doorway where I had last seen Daniel.  “We’d better get you up to the infirmary.”

 

Humans on the al’kesh tended to scuttle, avoiding eye contact.  They were braver in their own territory.  They walked tall and decisively through the corridors, nodding their courtesies at Lord Jack and glancing with curiosity at me.  It felt odd to have so many people meet my gaze, and I was glad for Lord Jack’s guiding hand and the quiet presence of the Master Jaffa on my other side.  If I imagined really hard, I could believe it was Pen’c and my dad.  I missed them more than I believed possible.  My throat tightened.  I wondered if I had been an idiot for leaving them.

 

“There you are.  Sit up there.”  The doctor-woman who had spoken so firmly to Lord Jack pointed out a bed as we arrived in the infirmary.

 

I hesitated.  A glance around the room had revealed only empty beds.  “Where’s Daniel?”

 

“In surgery.  Doctor Brightman is taking care of his ribs and the broken arm.  Daniel was quite thoroughly beaten up, but his vitals are strong,” the woman said, focusing on my entourage of three just as Lord Jack opened his mouth to ask the question she was already answering.  “He should be fine, though I’d like to have an idea what else he’s been through.”

 

The doctor turned to me with a smile, introduced herself, and urged me onto the bed.  This time, I obeyed.  After I had settled, she probed gently at the skin around my right eye.  I winced.  I’d forgotten about Ba’al hitting me.

 

“Quite the shiner you have there,” she said, placing an icepack over the area. 

 

I held it in place while she explained the tests that she would be giving me.  She had a kind manner, and I wanted to trust her, but the idea of my blood taken from me and my body’s insides photographed made me uncomfortable.  Since Daniel wasn’t there, I turned to the one person I knew I could trust without a doubt.

 

“Is this truth, Master Jaffa?” I asked in Goa’uld.  “Is it safe?”

 

“It is safe, young Danny.”  He spoke in English so the others understood him, but he kept his gaze locked on mine so I could see the truth in his eyes.  “I have experienced these procedures many times.  You will come to no harm.”

 

I nodded, reassured by his words.

 

“Before we begin your tests,” the doctor said, “can you tell us some more about Daniel?  About how he was hurt?  He had several cuts.  Some were quite deep.”

 

“From the knives.”  I demonstrated how Ba’al used the gravity field and the knives.  Lord Jack, who was standing behind Doctor Fraiser, clenched his fists and muttered under his breath.

 

“There were holes burned into his clothes,” Doctor Fraiser prompted when I had paused to observe Lord Jack’s actions.

 

“From the acid,” I said and repeated what Pen’c had told me about the acid bulbs.  Lord Jack blanched and swallowed convulsively.  I glanced at the others to see if they had noticed.  They were all focused intently on me, and I had the feeling they were deliberately not watching Lord Jack.

 

“His skin wasn’t burned.”

 

“He needed the sarcophagus sometime after that.  It healed the burns.”

 

“How many times?”  Lord Jack’s voice was hoarse.

 

I shivered at his harsh expression and lost track of what he had asked.  “What?”

 

“In the sarcophagus.  How many times?” he asked between gritted teeth.

 

“Just the once, that I know about.”  I wrapped my arms across my chest and looked away from their scrutiny.  “I think Da—Ba’al wanted him in pain most of the time because it lowered his resistance.”

 

“Resistance to what?”

 

“Enough, General.  Let’s not subject Danny to an interrogation just yet.  I have tests to run, and he looks like he could use a rest and maybe a decent meal.  As soon as Daniel’s in recovery, I’ll call you.”

 

Lord Jack gave a curt nod and stalked away.  The lines of his body seemed very stiff.  If he was this angry now, what would he be like when he discovered why Daniel had been hurt?  Perhaps his promise of safety was false.  Ba’al had said it was sometimes necessary for leaders to deceive others to influence an outcome that was beneficial to the most people.

 

The reminder of Ba’al’s words gave me pause.  Had Ba’al ever offered a false promise to influence me, or were the rules different between fathers and sons?

 

I forgot the question as the Jaffa turned to follow Lord Jack.  Terror at being abandoned surged through me again.  I cried out, reaching toward him.

 

“Perhaps it would be better if you stayed, Teal’c,” the doctor said quietly.

 

I felt myself flush in embarrassment, but the Jaffa said nothing to reprimand my weakness.  He inclined his head and returned to stand beside the bed while Doctor Fraiser began her tests.  They were both careful with me.  She explained each procedure before she performed it, and Master Jaffa Teal’c reminded me that it was safe whenever I inadvertently flinched.  Although I should have been ashamed for needing it, I was glad for their kindness.  The events of the morning had exhausted me, and I had no energy left for pretending to be the brave Jaffa warrior I wanted to be.

 

I fell asleep in the machine they called the MRI.

 

The sound of Daniel and Lord Jack’s voices woke me.  I kept my eyes closed and my breaths even and deep, just like in kel’no’reem, so I could listen to their conversation without anyone suspecting that I was awake.

 

“Dammit, Daniel, for all you know, he’s a plant.  Maybe Ba’al purposely had him help you escape to get him here.”

 

“He’s a kid, Jack.”

 

“And?  So?  Therefore?  Cassie and Rya’c were kids.  But the bombs hidden in either of them would have taken this place out.”

 

“So have Janet check for a bomb.”  My breathing faltered as I realized they were discussing me.  I steadied it when Daniel said, “But that’s not what Ba’al had in mind.”

 

“Then tell me what the son of a bitch had in mind,” Lord Jack said with a growl.

 

Daniel sighed heavily.  “He’s a clone, Jack  My clone, to be exact.  And Ba’al has been giving him my memories.”

 

“Which memories?”

 

“He was meant to get all of them, but what he has right now is childhood stuff.  Egypt, my parents dying, maybe a year or two after that.  Ba’al had some sort of device that copied my memories and downloaded them into Danny.  That’s what the torture was for.  Sometimes I could block the device, but it was harder to do when I was in pain.”

 

“So Danny gets the Doctor Jackson download, and then what?”

 

“Janet found the nanocytes?”  I assumed that Lord Jack nodded in response to the question because Daniel continued, “Once he has all my memories, his growth is accelerated to my current age.  You guys find him somewhere and bring him home.  A fake Daniel Jackson, but he’d have my DNA and my memories, so how would you know?”

 

“What next?  Spy?  Saboteur?”

 

“Ah, I don’t really remember what was supposed to come next.  Ba’al was torturing me at the time.  That acid stuff of his is nasty.”

 

“I remember,” Lord Jack said, his voice so low that I almost didn’t hear it.

 

There was a minute of silence.  I tried to process what Lord Jack had said, but it didn’t make sense to me.  I was missing something.

 

“I’m sorry to dredge up those memories,” Daniel said quietly.

 

“Not your fault.  At least we don’t have to worry about the sarc addiction with you.”

 

“Thank God,” Daniel responded with a tone of utter relief.

 

“I still don’t get it,” Lord Jack said, sounding more normal.  “Did Ba’al seriously think the kid would help him after he had all your memories?  You’ve baited enough Goa’uld that Ba’al should have heard how much they piss you off.  They all know about Sha’re.  Did he think the kid would get your memories without picking up the hatred?”

 

Unlike Lord Jack, Daniel still sounded reflective as he said, “Up to this point, Ba’al has never done anything personally to me.  It’s possible he could have denounced what the other Goa’uld did, made it seem like he regretted their actions.”

 

“I bet the only thing he regrets is that he didn’t join the whole ‘make the Tau’ri miserable’ until late in the game.  After all, a Goa’uld is a Goa’uld.”

 

“Not to Danny.  This particular Goa’uld is the one he calls Dad.”

 

After a long pause, Lord Jack said incredulously, “You’re joking.”

 

“Not at all.  Ba’al raised him, taught him, loved him in whatever limited, warped sense a Goa’uld can manage.  My memories might have given him a bit of a wake-up call because he could suddenly compare his relationship with Ba’al to the relationship between me and my parents, but that’s not going make his feelings suddenly stop.  Ba’al is his dad.  Danny loves him.”

 

“So what are you saying, Daniel?  The kid is a liability?  I should lock him up and throw away the key?”

 

“God, no!  Of course not.”  Daniel said the last part a bit breathlessly.

 

“Careful.  You don’t have to sit up to make a point.  Remember the ribs.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You need Fraiser?”

 

“Mm, no.  I’m fine.” 

 

Since I could hear Daniel breathing in short huffs, I doubted that.  Apparently, so did Lord Jack.  The skepticism in his voice was heavy as he replied, “Sure you are.  I’ll get--”

 

“No.  Wait.  Just let me…”

 

“She’s gonna have my ass if I don’t call her over, Daniel.”

 

“Take him off base, Jack.” 

 

“What?”

 

“Danny.  Take him home with you.  Show him…what it’s like…to have a family.  He doesn’t want…to be alone.  Promise me?”

 

“Daniel…”

 

“Jack, please.  Janet’s not…letting me out…anytime soon.  He needs to know.  He needs…to see.  Just like you showed me.”  His voice dropped to a whisper.  “I promised him.”

 

“Of course you did,” Lord Jack said.  He sounded both exasperated and fondly amused.  “I’m getting Fraiser now.  Don’t move.”

 

I listened to the heavy tread of his boots walking away and returning a minute later with the lighter tap-tap of Doctor Fraiser’s shoes.  There were murmured voices I couldn’t quite hear, questions asked and answered.  After a while, Lord Jack’s footsteps came closer.

 

“Still asleep?”  After straining to listen to the sounds around me, I almost jumped at Lord Jack’s voice so near.

 

“Young Danny is resting comfortably,” Master Jaffa Teal’c responded.  He was right next to me, and I wondered if he’d been there all along.

 

“You hear everything?”

 

“Indeed.  Daniel Jackson makes a valid point.  Ba’al would have exposed the child to very little, and whatever he did experience would have been subject to Ba’al’s interpretation.  Young Danny would benefit greatly from time off base with you.”

 

“I’m not convinced he’s safe,” Lord Jack said.  “You can’t tell me Ba’al didn’t have backup plan in case his indoctrination couldn’t compete with Daniel’s memories.  At least, if the kid’s here, I can contain the threat.”

 

I shivered.  Wasn’t the Plan enough?  Would Ba’al really have done something to make me a danger to other people?  I felt sick at the idea.

 

“It is possible this backup was not yet implemented since the child left before receiving all of Daniel Jackson’s memories.  Or it is possible the trigger is buried so deeply within the child, we will never know it until it is activated.”  He paused and then asked, “How long can you hold a child here, waiting for an event that may never occur?”

 

Lord Jack sighed heavily, and I heard the scrape beside the bed as he dropped into a chair.  “There is that.”

 

“You have suffered greatly at Ba’al’s hands, and he is worthy of your loathing.  But consider this, O’Neill.  It is Ba’al who is your enemy, not this child.”

 

“This child is a weapon created by Ba’al to infiltrate my base,” Lord Jack snapped, each word terse and hard.

 

“This child is Daniel Jackson,” Master Jaffa Teal’c countered.

 

“You would have to complicate things.”  The complaint was muffled as if Lord Jack had covered his face with his hands.

 

“In fact, I have simplified them, O’Neill.  Whatever Young Danny’s purpose, he is our responsibility because of who he is.  He is a young Daniel Jackson, with no family and no home other than ours.”

 

“The first time I took Daniel home with me, it was because he was standing around, looking like a stray puppy.”  Lord Jack began combing his fingers through my hair, and his breath puffed softly against my cheek as he added, “I guess some things never change.”

 

“I am to meet with Sergeant Mulroney shortly.  Will you stay, O’Neill?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, go on.”  When the Jaffa’s footsteps had faded, Lord Jack sighed again.  “I guess it’s just you and me, kid.”

 

If I hadn’t been pretending sleep, I might have told him that I had wanted him to be the one to stay.  I trusted the Master Jaffa because he reminded me of Pen’c, but Daniel had chosen Lord Jack to teach me about families.

 

I decided I should learn about families as quickly as possible.  I had to find out what I had done wrong.  Why hadn’t Dad wanted to keep me as his son?  Why wasn’t I enough without the Plan?

 

I needed it to be different this time.  The thought of being alone terrified me.  Already, I missed Dad so much that it hurt.  This time, I would be more careful.  I would watch and listen and learn how I should act in order to stay with Daniel and Lord Jack as part of their family.  I would be anyone they wanted me to be.  If they didn’t love me for who I was, then I would change.  I would even live without their love.

 

I would do anything, as long as they kept me.

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