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The Price of Knowledge
Story Notes: See Chapter One Chapter Nineteen Not Letting Go
Jack was holding something. He wasn’t sure what. It felt like Daniel’s hand, but it was the only solid thing in a mass of glowing light. It didn’t matter. It was real, it was Daniel, and Jack was never letting it go. Daniel was a miniature sun, the size of a beach ball, pulsing in mid-air in front of Jack’s chest. Jack squinted, unable to look directly at the light that Daniel had become. Warmth radiated off Daniel. The skin on Jack’s face felt dry and stretched. His lips cracked. His arm was turning red. Gonna have the worst sunburn in history, Jack thought grimly. The Gavril-glow-ball whacked against the Daniel-glow-ball. They both flared and shot out lightning sparks where they connected. Jack closed his eyes, but the light pierced the thin layer of protection. His eyelids tightened involuntarily, and tears seeped from the corners of his eyes. Heat engulfed his hand. It licked upward, coiling around his wrist and forearm. Jack clenched his jaw through another flare and yet another. Then Gavril struck at Daniel and didn’t back off. The two spheres locked, blazing with combined intensity. Jack howled. His left hand, somewhere inside the glow-balls, was on fire. He looked down through a haze of agony and saw blisters rising on his wrist. He forced breath through gritted teeth. Dimly, through the searing pain, he could still feel the something that was Daniel, tucked inside his scorched fingers. His brain screamed at him to let go, to jerk his hand free of the torture. He ignored it and curled his fingers tighter around Daniel. It was just pain. He could deal with pain. To distract his mind, he tried listing all the pain he’d overcome through the years. Staff blasts, zat stuns, broken ribs, concussions. Speared to a wall. His shoulder throbbed in sudden memory. He could smell his hand now. The stench of burning flesh clogged his nostrils and brought memories of Iraq. He had held out four months. He could do this. For Danny, he could wait forever. Oh, God, it hurt. Not. Letting. Go. Other voices joined the clamor of his shrieking brain. Someone yanked his elbow, trying to extract his hand. He snarled and thrust farther into the light, clamping tighter onto Daniel. The fire began to claw its way toward his elbow. “Colonel…please.” The voice buzzed like an mosquito, annoying in its persistence. He couldn’t make out all the words. “…irreparable damage…nerves…lose your hand…let go…” “Shut up!” He yelled at the irritating voice and his own panicking brain and at the overwhelming agony. “Just shut up! I’m not letting go. Never again. Never. Again.” He concentrated on breathing. He couldn’t do much else. Thought scattered like ashes. “Jaaaack!” Daniel’s voice called, far away and terrified. The uncooperative, pain-numbed fingers of his left hand no longer worked. Jack plunged his other hand into the globe of light and latched onto the something Daniel had left him. “I’m here, Danny! I’ve got you. Come home, Daniel. You can do it, buddy. I’ve got you.” And suddenly he did have Daniel. The light sputtered and died, leaving a naked, six-year-old, flesh-and-blood Daniel in Jack’s arms. Daniel snagged Jack’s shirt feebly and whispered, “Don’t let…” His eyelids fluttered. He gasped and went limp. The weight against Jack’s damaged hands drove him to his knees. He clutched convulsively, pulling Daniel in toward his chest with his forearms to take the pressure off his hands. His vision blurred. He wanted to collapse and let the pain take him into dark oblivion. Then he felt someone trying to tug Daniel out of his arms. “No.” He fought his way through the darkness. “No.” Hammond, kneeling beside him and supporting part of Daniel’s weight, spoke gently, “Jack, we need to get you two to the infirmary. Let me take him.” “No. Not letting go. Promised him.” “Jack--” “No. I’ll take him.” Jack readjusted Daniel so he could carry him and pushed upward. His legs wobbled. Hammond rose with him, keeping a steadying hand under his elbow. The pain was fading. A bad sign, Jack knew. Shock. Jack barely remembered the trip to the infirmary. A medical team met them just before they reached the elevator, and Janet convinced him to set Daniel on the gurney. Jack maintained contact throughout, finally ending up with his burned but less-damaged right hand clamped around Daniel’s left hand. Jack kept his own left hand tucked against his chest and tried not to look at it. He’d caught one glimpse of his twisted, claw-like fingers, the blackened skin of his hand, the oozing redness of his wrist and forearm. One glimpse was enough. His nostrils still twitched at the smell. In the infirmary, he floated into a sort of haze, listening to the familiar hum of equipment and Janet’s calm in-charge voice. Someone slid a chair behind him and pushed him into it. He sank gratefully, exhausted beyond measure. He kept hold of Daniel’s hand. Despite the lethargy, he knew the moment Janet tried to inject him with a sedative. He reared back, avoiding the needle, and shook himself out of the numb place where he had drifted. “No.” Janet’s voice was soothing, the way one calms a wild animal. “Colonel, your hands are severely burned. I need to take care of them.” “No drugs. I have to hold onto Daniel” “Daniel’s fine for now. He’s in a coma, but his vitals are stable. You can let go.” Jack gazed at her. “If I let go, we’ll lose him.” “He’s going to be--” “Janet.” She stopped and met his gaze. “Janet, this isn’t the pain. This isn’t shock. This isn’t even Colonel O’Neill, your commanding officer. This is Jack, your friend. I’m asking you, Janet. I’m begging you. I know it’s not logical or sound medical science, but trust me on this. If I let Daniel go, we will lose him.” They stared at each other for a long minute. Finally Janet dropped her gaze to his burned hand. “Will you let me take care of that?” “Yes.” God, yes, his mind blubbered its agreement. The pain was starting to inch back into his awareness. “But find a way to do it here. One hand at a time. And if I pass out, make sure I’m still touching Daniel. Please, Janet?” She pursed her lips, not entirely convinced, but nodded. “How long do you intend to hold onto him exactly?” Jack looked at Daniel’s pale face. “Until he opens his eyes and tells me he’s home for good, I’m not letting go.”
Back to Chapter 18 Chapter 19, cont>>
Disclaimer: The Stargate characters all belong to Gekko Film Company, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions, MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Showtime, Sci Fi Channel, and Stargate SG-1 Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended to infringe on any of those rights and is meant solely for the purpose of entertainment. All other characters, the story idea, and the story itself are the sole property of the author. |
